Think of it like weather planning…

• Proactive is checking the forecast, packing a raincoat, and planning a route to stay dry.
• Reactive is opening the umbrella when the rain starts.

Why both are important:

We need to have both types of strategies because life is calmer when we’re prepared but we can’t plan for every eventuality…

Proactive strategies help reduce stress on the nervous system. They give your child predictability, safety, and skills to manage their emotions before they feel overwhelmed.

Reactive strategies are essential when emotions are already high. They help calm the body and bring your child back to a state where they can think, learn, and connect again.

• Proactive strategies engage the “thinking brain” (the prefrontal cortex), teaching planning, reflection, and choice-making.
• Reactive strategies soothe the “feeling brain” (the amygdala and limbic system) when your child’s nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze.

When we focus on proactive support, we reduce the frequency of fight or flight moments happening but when they do, they will be less severe or easier to recover from.

Proactive Strategies: Prevent Stress Before It Builds

These daily habits and routines can help children feel safe, calm, and in control.

1. Sensory-Friendly Environments

• Reduce noise and visual clutter
• Dim lights or use warm lamps
• Offer a calm corner or quiet space
• Keep routines predictable

Example: A “cosy corner” with soft lighting, fidgets, and weighted blankets gives a child somewhere to retreat before they feel overwhelmed.

2. Self-Regulation Skills

Teach your child what helps them feel calm. This can include:

• Wall pushes or animal walks (heavy work)
• Breathing games or blowing bubbles
• Stretching or yoga poses
• Crunchy snacks or chewing (oral regulation)
• Visualization or story-based relaxation

Example: Practice “starfish breathing” together when you’re calm — trace your fingers and breathe in and out with each point.

3. Emotional Education

Help your child name what they feel:

• Use feelings charts or visuals
• Talk about emotions in stories or daily life
• Model naming your own feelings calmly

Example: “I’m feeling a bit frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This teaches emotional language and coping by example.

4. Adult Modelling

Children learn regulation from our calm presence.

• Narrate what you’re doing to calm yourself
• Use a steady tone
• Keep routines consistent

Example: “Let’s pause together and take a breath. We can figure this out once we feel calm.”

Reactive Strategies: Support in the Moments

When your child is already upset or overwhelmed, the goal is calm and connection, not correction.

Try some or all of these:

• Moving to a quieter, low-stimulation space
• Using deep pressure (like a firm hug or weighted blanket)
• Offering a familiar comfort item or soothing activity
• Keeping language minimal — too many words can add stress
• Waiting patiently — give their nervous system time to settle

Example: If your child is melting down after school, dim the lights, sit nearby quietly, and let them rock or squeeze a fidget.

Once they’re calm, you can talk or problem-solve.