The Power of Proactive and Reactive Strategies
As parents and carers, we all want to help our children manage big feelings, sensory overload, and tricky behaviours in ways that build confidence and help them stay calm.
But when emotions run high, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment — and how to help prevent those moments in the first place. That’s where proactive and reactive strategies come in. Understanding the difference between the two — and how they work together — can make daily life feel more peaceful for both you and your child.
Read on to find out more…
What’s the difference between them?
| What it Means | When It’s Used | |
| Proactive Strategies | Things we do before stress or overwhelm happens to help prevent big emotions or behaviour. | Everyday routines, habits, and supports that keep your child regulated and calm. |
| Reactive Strategies | Things we do after emotions or behaviour have escalated. | In the heat of the moment, when your child is already dysregulated. |
Think of it like weather planning…
- Proactive is checking the forecast, packing a raincoat, and planning a route to stay dry.
- Reactive is opening the umbrella when the rain starts.
We need both — but life is calmer when we’re prepared.
Why it matters:
Proactive strategies help reduce stress on the nervous system. They give your child predictability, safety, and skills to manage their emotions before they feel overwhelmed.
Reactive strategies are essential when emotions are already high. They help calm the body and bring your child back to a state where they can think, learn, and connect again.
Using both together builds emotional intelligence, confidence, and self-regulation — key ingredients for thriving in daily life.
What’s Happening in the Brain
- Proactive strategies engage the “thinking brain” (the prefrontal cortex), teaching planning, reflection, and choice-making.
- Reactive strategies soothe the “feeling brain” (the amygdala and limbic system) when your child’s nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze.
When we focus more on proactive support, we reduce how often those fight-or-flight moments happen — and when they do, they’re easier to recover from.
How to use:
Proactive Strategies: Prevent Stress Before It Builds
These are the daily habits, routines, and supports that help children feel safe, calm, and in control.
1. Sensory-Friendly Environments
- Reduce noise and visual clutter
- Dim lights or use warm lamps
- Offer a calm corner or quiet space
- Keep routines predictable
Example: A “cosy corner” with soft lighting, fidgets, and weighted blankets gives a child somewhere to retreat before they feel overwhelmed.
2. Self-Regulation Skills
Teach your child what helps them feel calm. This can include:
- Wall pushes or animal walks (heavy work)
- Breathing games or blowing bubbles
- Stretching or yoga poses
- Crunchy snacks or chewing (oral regulation)
- Visualization or story-based relaxation
Example: Practice “starfish breathing” together when you’re calm — trace your fingers and breathe in and out with each point.
3. Emotional Education
Help your child name what they feel:
- Use feelings charts or visuals
- Talk about emotions in stories or daily life
- Model naming your own feelings calmly
Example: “I’m feeling a bit frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This teaches emotional language and coping by example.
4. Adult Modelling
Children learn regulation from our calm presence.
- Narrate what you’re doing to calm yourself
- Use a steady tone
- Keep routines consistent
Example: “Let’s pause together and take a breath. We can figure this out once we feel calm.”
Reactive Strategies: Support in the Moments
When your child is already upset or overwhelmed, the goal is calm and connection, not correction. Try:
- Moving to a quieter, low-stimulation space
- Using deep pressure (like a firm hug or weighted blanket)
- Offering a familiar comfort item or soothing activity
- Keeping language minimal — too many words can add stress
- Waiting patiently — give their nervous system time to settle
Example: If your child is melting down after school, dim the lights, sit nearby quietly, and let them rock or squeeze a fidget. Once they’re calm, you can talk or problem-solve.
Top tips:
5 Key Principles for parents
- Balance is best. Use both proactive and reactive strategies; proactive reduces how often reactive is needed.
- Teach gradually. Start with adult-led support; introduce independence as your child learns what works.
- Stay consistent. Predictability builds trust and emotional safety.
- Observe and adjust. Notice what calms your child — every child’s needs are unique.
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