Helping Children Stay Calm

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The Power of Proactive and Reactive Strategies

As parents and carers, we all want to help our children manage big feelings, sensory overload, and tricky behaviours in ways that build confidence and help them stay calm.

But when emotions run high, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment — and how to help prevent those moments in the first place. That’s where proactive and reactive strategies come in. Understanding the difference between the two — and how they work together — can make daily life feel more peaceful for both you and your child.

Read on to find out more…

What’s the difference between them?

What it MeansWhen It’s Used
Proactive StrategiesThings we do before stress or overwhelm happens to help prevent big emotions or behaviour.Everyday routines, habits, and supports that keep your child regulated and calm.
Reactive StrategiesThings we do after emotions or behaviour have escalated.In the heat of the moment, when your child is already dysregulated.

Think of it like weather planning…

  • Proactive is checking the forecast, packing a raincoat, and planning a route to stay dry.
  • Reactive is opening the umbrella when the rain starts.

We need both — but life is calmer when we’re prepared.

Why it matters:

Proactive strategies help reduce stress on the nervous system. They give your child predictability, safety, and skills to manage their emotions before they feel overwhelmed.

Reactive strategies are essential when emotions are already high. They help calm the body and bring your child back to a state where they can think, learn, and connect again.

Using both together builds emotional intelligence, confidence, and self-regulation — key ingredients for thriving in daily life.

What’s Happening in the Brain

  • Proactive strategies engage the “thinking brain” (the prefrontal cortex), teaching planning, reflection, and choice-making.
  • Reactive strategies soothe the “feeling brain” (the amygdala and limbic system) when your child’s nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze.

When we focus more on proactive support, we reduce how often those fight-or-flight moments happen — and when they do, they’re easier to recover from.

How to use:

Proactive Strategies: Prevent Stress Before It Builds

These are the daily habits, routines, and supports that help children feel safe, calm, and in control.

1. Sensory-Friendly Environments

  • Reduce noise and visual clutter
  • Dim lights or use warm lamps
  • Offer a calm corner or quiet space
  • Keep routines predictable

Example: A “cosy corner” with soft lighting, fidgets, and weighted blankets gives a child somewhere to retreat before they feel overwhelmed.

2. Self-Regulation Skills

Teach your child what helps them feel calm. This can include:

  • Wall pushes or animal walks (heavy work)
  • Breathing games or blowing bubbles
  • Stretching or yoga poses
  • Crunchy snacks or chewing (oral regulation)
  • Visualization or story-based relaxation

Example: Practice “starfish breathing” together when you’re calm — trace your fingers and breathe in and out with each point.

3. Emotional Education

Help your child name what they feel:

  • Use feelings charts or visuals
  • Talk about emotions in stories or daily life
  • Model naming your own feelings calmly

Example: “I’m feeling a bit frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This teaches emotional language and coping by example.

4. Adult Modelling

Children learn regulation from our calm presence.

  • Narrate what you’re doing to calm yourself
  • Use a steady tone
  • Keep routines consistent

Example: “Let’s pause together and take a breath. We can figure this out once we feel calm.”

Reactive Strategies: Support in the Moments

When your child is already upset or overwhelmed, the goal is calm and connection, not correction. Try:

  • Moving to a quieter, low-stimulation space
  • Using deep pressure (like a firm hug or weighted blanket)
  • Offering a familiar comfort item or soothing activity
  • Keeping language minimal — too many words can add stress
  • Waiting patiently — give their nervous system time to settle

Example: If your child is melting down after school, dim the lights, sit nearby quietly, and let them rock or squeeze a fidget. Once they’re calm, you can talk or problem-solve.

Top tips:

5 Key Principles for parents

  • Balance is best. Use both proactive and reactive strategies; proactive reduces how often reactive is needed.
  • Teach gradually. Start with adult-led support; introduce independence as your child learns what works.
  • Stay consistent. Predictability builds trust and emotional safety.
  • Observe and adjust. Notice what calms your child — every child’s needs are unique.

Keep up to date with the latest SensationALL Self-Regulation Strategies on our socials!

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Self-regulation spotlight – Finished Box

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It’s our aim to share fantastic self-regulation techniques with you and this post focuses on Finished Box; a simple but powerful tool to support regulation, transitions, and dignity in letting go of items.

What is it?

A Finished Box is a clearly marked container where children place items they are “done” with. Instead of throwing objects, clinging to toys, or hiding materials, children are offered a predictable way to signal completion.

Why it matters:

It may sound small, but for neurodivergent children or those with sensory, attention/focus or executive functioning differences, this tool can be transformative in helping them determine when an activity or game is finished. For older youngsters, it could be used to mark the end of homework or tech time.

Neurologically, children need closure to mark an activity as complete and a Finished Box is a physical method of doing so as it provides:

  • A clear, consistent end-point (supporting executive functioning) giving the brain has a clear signal “when I’m done, it always goes in here”
  • Predictable sensory-motor feedback – the motion of putting or throwing things in the box can release energy in a positive way (tactile/proprioceptive closure)
  • Reduction in overwhelm from too many items at once – minimising stimulus by ‘finishing’ with some toys/games before moving onto other items
  • Visible reassurance that items are “done for now” will help reduce stealing/clinging/throwing
  • Creates a predictable bridge for smoother transitions between activities

By introducing a Finished Box, we support the brain’s need for order and safety. This small adjustment creates calmer situations in play or activities, strengthens trust,and empowers children to move on with dignity.

Remember, if your child displays boisterous behaviour with toys or items, throwing or holding onto items isn’t “bad behaviour”, it’s communication! They probably enjoy the sensory stimulation from the noise and motion of throwing the item so by restricting throwing to the finished box only, you can redirect that energy into a positive outlet. For heavy or bulky items you can encourage them to be gentle when placing items in the box, praising them when they do a good job.

How to use:

  • Have a Finished Box on standby during play activities or home tasks as part of their routine and model repeated use of the box in every activity so it becomes a predictable part of their behaviour.
  • Use consistent language when guiding children: “Finished? It goes in the Finished Box.”
  • Create a unique Finished Box when you need a child or youngster to “let go” of items (toys, fidgets, comforters etc.) to help them transition away from reliance on those items more smoothly. 

Top tips:

  • involve your child in choosing which box is for different toys or rooms of the house.
  • Colourful boxes or tubs will help them identify what goes where as well as making it more visually interesting.
  • Why not make a finished box or bag to take out with you for small fidgets, comforters or toys.

Keep up to date with the latest SensationALL Self-Regulation Strategies on our socials!

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Self-regulation spotlight – Jumping!

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 In an occupational therapy context, jumping is a powerful (and fun!), whole-body sensory regulation tool that can help with energy release, body organisation, and emotional balance.

What is it?

Repeated up-and-down movements help people increase awareness of their body’s position and the force it is using, as well as supporting balance and spatial awareness. Jumping using trampolines, skipping ropes, hopscotch, or even simple “star jumps” on the spot all stimulate multiple sensory systems in the body which can have a positive effect on a person.

Why it matters:

Jumping is a brilliant regulating tool because it combines heavy work (impact through the joints) with rhythm and repetition. For both children and adults, it can boost alertness and focus; for some people, it offers an outlet to release built-up energy or stress. It improves balance, coordination, and overall body awareness, making it both fun and regulating!

Why it works:

Regulation through proprioceptive input
o Jumping delivers high-intensity heavy work to joints and muscles, which can be calming for sensory seekers and organising for sensory avoiders.

Vestibular–proprioceptive integration
o The brain must process acceleration, deceleration, and impact timing and this is building spatial awareness and balance.

Motor planning & coordination
o Sequencing jumps, adjusting force, and landing safely develops praxis.

Core stability & postural control
o Maintaining upright position on unstable surfaces strengthens deep postural muscles.

Attention & engagement
o Rhythmic, repetitive jumping increases dopamine and norepinephrine, supporting focus

Top tips – use jumping as part of a sensory diet, as a proactive regulation tool in your daily routine. Finish a jumping activity with a grounding movement (heavy pushing, static wall sits or deep breathing).

Jumping ideas

Target games – jump to catch bubbles or a hanging scarf

Rhythm integration– jump to a beat or music (slow = calming or fast = alerting)

Heavy work combination– Jump then push a weighted cart or carry an object for sustained regulation

Cognitive integration– Count backwards while jumping or every time you jump, call out a shape/colour/animal

Safety

  • Always supervise jumping activities closely.
  • Use age-appropriate, well-maintained equipment (mini-trampolines, crash mats).
  • Clear the area of obstacles.
  • Teach safe mounting/dismounting.
  • Consider fatigue — high-intensity jumping may be exhausting for some children.
  • Monitor arousal levels — some children may become over-stimulated and need grounding afterwards.

Keep up to date with the latest SensationALL Self-Regulation Strategies on our socials!

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Filling the gap in statutory services

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As a third sector organisation, SensationALL was founded to make a real difference to hundreds of families and individuals across the northeast living with neurodivergent conditions or additional needs who need practical support and access to social opportunities that are suited to their sensory and behavioural needs. However, this year more than ever we are struggling to keep up with the mounting costs of continuing services in light of the challenging funding climate.  

Amidst the cost-of-living crisis, we are facing both a rise in operational costs and a fall in funding. This is at a time when lengthy waits for NHS assessments are resulting in increasing numbers of families being referred to us for pre-diagnostic support, adding to the strain on our services.  

In the last year, we delivered over 600 sessions which provided more than 520 different people with specially designed social groups and activities to suit their sensory and behavioural needs. However, demand is increasing faster than funding, and we urgently need to generate more income to expand the existing timetable.

Currently, we have over 1400 registered individuals with more people contacting us every week as SensationALL’s Chief Executive, Katie McNutt, explains:  

“People seeking assessment for conditions like Autism and ADHD are facing lengthy waiting times to be seen by professionals and charities like us are filling the gap by offering practical support.

Over a third of families approaching us are being referred to us by professionals in the NHS, social work or education sectors, but there is no statutory funding available to us to cover the cost us intervening when they cannot.”

Our charity has been filling a gap in statutory services in the northeast for the last 13 years, stepping in to offer support when statutory organisations are unable to intervene due to no formal diagnosis being in place.

But even people with a diagnosis find there is a severe lack of social activities and support groups for neurodivergent people where they can make friends, build confidence and importantly, be themselves without judgement in places where their additional needs are accommodated.

Furthermore, parents and carers are in desperate need of practical advice so they can feel better equipped to support their loved-one to overcome challenges their conditions present in everyday life (from sleep to restricted diets to sensory processing issues and accessing education). 

In June, a shocking report was published by The Scottish Parliament; “Neurodevelopmental Pathways and Waiting Times in Scotland”, which outlines a concerning picture of neurodivergent care in Scotland: 

  • Over 42,000 children in Scotland are waiting for a neurodevelopmental assessment, and in some regions this figure has increased by over 500% since 2020. (Statistics as of March 2025) 
  • Increased awareness of neurodivergence in adults has also led to a surge in demand for adult assessments, and over 23,000 adults are waiting for a neurodevelopmental assessment in Scotland which has increased by over 2200% since 2020. 
  • The average longest waiting time to receive an assessment is 182 weeks (three and a half years).
  • Increased demand for support has led to increased pressure on the third sector, which provides a range of pre and post diagnostic support for neurodivergent people in Scotland. 

These statistics prompted a response from The Royal College of Psychiatrists in Scotland and the Child Heads of Psychology Services, who have created a proposal of a “new four-level neurodiversity pathway structure” which calls for a national approach to be taken to commissioning specialist third sector organisations providing support and services at all stages of the diagnostic journey”.

Specific examples of the support given by in the response include “establishing and maintaining peer support networks, and employability training” which mirrors much of what we are already doing without consistent funding.  

Katie explains how the charity would welcome this approach which would bring more much-needed sustainable funding:

“This year we are finding it harder than ever to secure grants from private organisations and as we have no consistent local authority funding, we are unable to grow the services to meet demand from new people approaching us. Sadly, this is a reality that many charities are facing. 

This year we must raise at least £520,000 to cover the operational costs of running at current levels but to tackle the urgent demand for more services will require a significant increase income.”  

A key part of our growth strategy is the ambitious and exciting redevelopment of The Old Schoolhouse, our headquarters in Westhill. We are eagerly awaiting the decision of a planning application to Aberdeenshire Council for the building extension, which will double the current footprint but will cost around £1 million in construction costs which we will have to fundraise for over the next couple of years.

The upgraded facility is desperately needed and will greatly enhance local services available to hundreds of families across the northeast – we are eager to engage with stakeholders who can support the project. 

The Old Schoolhouse

If you are interested in supporting SensationALL, please donate to our cause below, or if you have any other queries get in touch at info@sensationall.org.uk.